Onward
by Epic F. Awesomesauce
Summary: Just a thing that's Spamano and takes place in the Angel Beats (post-anime) world. I wrote it because of writer's block...


**((Angel Beats takes place in an alternate universe where there are a lot of kids who live peacefully in a high school. In the anime, there is an organization of kids who revolts against the student president, but I think this takes place after the anime, so yeah.))**

* * *

"CAN YOU REACH ANY FARTHER?!"

He glances down, then shakes his head. "I CAN'T GO ANY FARTHER. LET OUT SOME MORE ROPE."

Lovino shakes his head, rolls his eyes, makes a sound in the back of his throat, but does as he's told- a first, as far as Antonio can remember. Then again, he just got here... one, two, maybe... three days ago? Yeah, he died about three days ago, and then he came here, to... well, who knows where. No one knows what it is or what to call it, just that it exists, and that they occupy it.

By "they" he means the hundreds of cute little high-schoolers that populate the whole place, talking and laughing and having a good time. Well, only most of the kids do that; the others, like Antonio and Lovino, do weird things like... well... rapel down cliffsides.

"OKAY, I'M LETTING DOWN MORE ROPE. CHECK IF YOU'RE SECURE FIRST, YEAH?"

"OKAY." Antonio glances down to his chest to check if he's tied securely to the rope. He can feel it's path burning into his button-down school uniform shirt, but he ignores it. He's used to pain, and anyway, he can't die in this world. Well, he can, but he comes back. He found that out the hard way.

He gives Lovino the thumbs up sign, and feels as the younger, slightly smaller boy slowly, jerkily lowers him farther down the cliffside.

He grasps the cliffside with one hand, wiping the loose dirt away so as to keep a better grip on it, and then reaches with his other hand towards the thing they're rappelling for in the first place: A large, glittering stone of unknown origin. No one knows what it is or why it's there, and they've been trying to get at it for ages; so long, in fact, that it's now become a tournament to see which person or group of people will get it first.

Lovino and Antonio work well as a team- though Lovino is always head-butting him and calling him rude names -and Antonio always figured that they would be the team to finally get the stone. They sure did want it badly enough.

Lovino, from what Antonio could gather, had had a terrible life. Of course, it seemed that everyone in this world had had a terrible life, but Lovino's seemed especially bad, seeing as he never talked about it. Ever.

Antonio's, of course, had not been all sunshine and daisies: Both of his parents had died in a car accident and he had been sent to live in a foster home that apparently doubled as a brothel. Yaaaaaaay. Luckily, he'd escaped there before too long, although stuff like that really did ruin the life of innocent little eleven-year-olds.

Antonio feels the rope holding him in place jerk around a bit, knocking the wind out of him. Lovino calls to him to "get his ass in gear and grab the stone I can't hold you much longer asshat" and he wraps his fingers around the stone. It's smooth and cold in his hand, despite the warm sunlight shining on it, and hard to get a good grip on.

"Oi, bastard! Hurry it up, I think someone might be- AGH!" Antonio feels the rope shudder and go slack, and then drops like a stone down the cliffside. A small sound- all he can manage -is dragged out of his mouth instinctively as he falls slightly against the cliffside. He gets scraped up a bit and can feel himself bleeding, but at least that knocked him farther away from the rocks. Although he's going to die anyway, when he hits the bottom.

He watches the gray-brown rocky ground beneath him come increasingly closer and closer. If he hadn't died at least three times before, he would be frightened, but at this point he's resigned to his fate. Not that it's quite a fate, really. There is no fate in this world, as far as he can tell. It's just... nothing.

The ground rushes up to meet him, and as he hits the bottom of the ravine, everything goes black.

* * *

AYE**LUV**YOU

* * *

Antonio wakes up with a small groan. Everywhere hurts. He must not be finished coming back to life.

His face is smushed against the dirt. There's a rock digging into his cheek that's really uncomfortable and would probably leave a bruise if he was still alive.

He shifts, placing his hands flat on the ground and lifting his head up. He feels something resting on his legs and, fearing it's a rock or something that will keep him stuck down here, he twists around and looks over.

It's not a rock. It's... Lovino.

Instantly Antonio is freaking out. While he's died a couple times, he don't think Lovino, who's incredibly careful, has, at least not very often, and he's worried about him. He pulls his legs out from under the other boy and grabs him under the arms, pulling him into his lap. He's already reformed, which Antonio is thankful for, and is now in the stage where people figure that your consciousness comes back to you.

Antonio threads his fingers gently through the other boy's hair, half for pleasure, half checking for blood, even though wounds don't matter.

Lovino shifts slightly, a small moan slipping from his throat. He turns sideways in Antonio's lap, which is probably uncomfortable, though he doesn't seem to mind, and then cuddles in toward Antonio's stomach. He's asleep. He's one of the only people here who actually bothers with sleep. Antonio doesn't understand how he does it.

Antonio sighs and leans back on his hands, staring up the cliffside. Knowing Lovino, he'll stay asleep for another hour or something. Hopefully by that time they'll have been rescued or something. Probably not, but a guy can dream.

An hour passes, then another, and no one comes to rescue them, though Antonio's legs are asleep, which seems really weird, since he's dead. Lovino's also moved a bit in his sleep, which is the only scenery that has changed.

Antonio reaches out in a bored sort of way to trace Lovino's features with his fingers. He smiles as Lovino wrinkles his nose and squeezes his eyes tightly closed. Lovino's so cute~!

Five minutes later, Lovino is awake and blushing embarrassedly, knees brought tightly to his chest. His hair blows around in a slight breeze as he mutters to himself in Italian. Since Antonio speaks Spanish and Spanish is close to Italian, Antonio can understand a little bit of what he's saying- mostly muttering to himself about how he's a dumbass.

"We're stuck down here," Antonio says, mostly to fill the awkward silence. "Have we explored all around this ravine before? There's nothing for miles, right?"

Lovino finally looks up, no longer embarrassed. Or at least, not too embarrassed.

"I was on the team that explored this place, and no, there's literally nothing all around. I mean, if you want to walk that way-" he points to his left, "-for like a billion years, then yeah, we could get out, but I'm sure someone will come and get us down." He glares fiercely at the top of the cliff. "Or at least, they'd motherfucking better, unless they want their insides to become their outsides."

Antonio fiddles with the rope that used to be tied around his torso. He wonders if he could use it to help them escape. Probably not. It broke during his fall, somehow, and now lays in two tattered pieces on the ravine floor, neither of them more than fifteen feet.

"Well, I hope they come soon, because I'm hungry," Antonio says amiably.

"How can you be hungry? You're dead."

Antonio shrugged and grabbed a nearby rock, lobbing it at one of the rock walls surrounding them. "Same way you can be tired, I guess. Maybe it's just instinctive. Maybe my stomach doesn't even know that its dead."

"Obviously your stomach doens't know that its dead," Lovino scoffs. "It has no consciousness."

"There you go, then."

A silence descends over them. Antonio can't tell if it's awkward or companionable, so he decides to at least try to make conversation at some point. But not right now. Because he's warm in the sunlight, and feeling almost like he could doze off, which he hasn't felt since he died.

"Antonio... do you ever think that maybe you could... move on?" Lovino asks hesitantly. Antonio opens eyes he hadn't realize he'd closed and stares at Lovino, who's looking awkwardly at the ground. People have moved on before, according to Lovino, though Antonio's never seen it before.

"I don't know," Antonio answers, turning to look up at the wide blue sky, which is flecked with the occasional cloud. "I don't know how to move on, and even if I did, I... don't know if I could. This world has no rhyme or reason to it, but... it's the best life I've ever known, you know?"

"Yeah. I know." A breeze blows once more through the ravine, causing Lovino's dark brown hair to flutter dreamily about his face.

Antonio hesitates for a moment, then decides to just go for it: "What happened...? In your life, I mean."

Lovino's face pales, and he glances from side to side nervously, something Antonio now realizes he does whenever his life is mentioned.

"My... life... um, it just... it wasn't good."

His tone says that he doesn't want to talk about it, and so Antonio lets it go.

"My life sucked too," he says to fill the silence. "My parents died when I was eleven. Car accident. I got sent to an orphanage/secret, illegal child prostitution ring." Antonio makes a disgusted face.

"That's... terrible." Lovino says in a horrified whisper. Antonio shrugs, looks away. He doesn't usually like to think about it, but now that he's finally told someone, it feels like a weight has been lifted off of his shoulders... to be replaced by a new one. He knows that Lovino will inevitably ask certain questions, and he doesn't... he doesn't want to answer them.

A heavy silence descends upon them. Antonio gets the feeling that Lovino wants to say something but is not quite sure how to go about it.

Finally he says, "My grandfather was a Mafia boss."

Antonio stares at him. "Is that why you're always threatening people?!"

Lovino blushes. "I-I don't threaten people! Don't make me kill... you..." His blush deepens as he realizes he's proved Antonio's point.

Antonio laughs. "Don't worry, it's okay. I'm sure you had to learn to threaten people effectively, huh? Otherwise they'd kill you or something."

Lovino shifts awkwardly, murmurs something in agreement, and realization strikes Antonio like Thor's hammer to the face.

"They did kill you, didn't they?" he says slowly. "That's why... you don't want to talk about it. You were murdered."

Lovino pulls his knees up even closer to him, pressing his face against them. "My brothers and I, we were just walking around, not doing anything bad, but one of the rival gangs showed up, started talking shit. He grabbed one of my brothers and put a knife to his throat, and I did the only thing I could, y'know? I pulled a gun out of my own pocket and shot him in the head. He had buddies hiding in the shadows, though, and as soon as I'd shot him they came out guns blazing. I managed to protect my brothers- they're not here, are they? -but... I didn't survive." He's quiet for a small moment, then says wistfully, "At least my brother's are okay, though... I don't know how I would have been able to live- exist? -if they had died as well."

"...I'm sorry," Antonio says. He scoots closer to Lovino, wrapping an arm around his shoulder in what he hopes is a friendly way. Lovino stiffens as he touches him, but slowly relaxes into the half-hug until his head is lolling on Antonio's shoulder. His eyelids are half-closed, and Antonio gets the distinct feeling that he might fall asleep again. He feels a strange, happy warmth in his stomach at the though. Lovino looks so... at peace when he's sleeping.

Suddenly Lovino jerks his head off of Antonio's shoulder, opening his eyes blearily, wearing that look that drowsy people always have. "'Tonio, what would it take for you to pass on...?" he asks in a sleepy slur.

"Hmm?" Antonio says, not because he needs to hear the question again, but because he's surprised that he was asked it. He leans back on his hands, Lovino still partly leaning on his shoulder, and stares up at the blue, cloud-flecked sky above them. He watches as the clouds move past in a lively breeze, and he wonders at the nature of this world. Where does the wind come from? Is it dead too? Where does it go?

"I don't know what it would take to move on. I honestly don't even know why I'm hear. I don't particularly feel like I missed out on anything in my old life. Well, obviously I did, but... I'm over that, you know?" He glances down to find Lovino staring at him with an indescribable look on his face. "What would it take for you to move on?"

Lovino's face pales, and he turns to look out across the ravine floor. "I... I've spent a lot of time thinking about it, and I've found a couple things that I really, really want. Such as... taking my brother's away from the gang life, living peacefully, falling in love... c-coming out to my family..."

Antonio sits bolt upright, staring at Lovino in shock. "You're gay?!" he exclaims, never having been very delicate about such matters.

Lovino, who was already blushing, turns even redder. "N-not gay, bisexual, that's all! Fuck!" He buries his face in his hands, obviously embarrassed, but Antonio just grins. Looks like life- death- fate? -is finally looking out for him after all the shit it put him through.

"That's great!" Antonio says before he can stop himself. Lovino turns and gives him a weird look.

"How is being bi great?" he asks. "It sucks! Half the time I don't know if I like guys or girls or if I just want a humanoid cuddling partner."

Antonio shrugs, trying to pull the smile of his face, which won't be happening anytime soon. "Isn't that how everyone feels? And besides, I figure, if you're bi, you have more of a chance of loving without discretion, yeah?"

Lovino shrugs and looks away. "That's a romantic way to look at it," he mutters, blushing once more. Antonio thinks he's cute. In fact, he thinks he's beautiful, and that he wants to kiss him quite thoroughly.

He had half-lied earlier, when he had said he didn't know what would make him move on. In truth, he knew that if he could be allowed to love Lovino, and if Lovino would love him back, he would immediately pass on to another world. Without a doubt.

"So, you would move on if you... took your brothers out of the gang life to live a peaceful life, came out, and fell in love?" Antonio asks, mind whirring thoughtfully to find a way to give Lovino all of these things. "I don't think you'll ever be able to have the first two, Lovi. You're dead."

Lovino nods his head, not meeting Antonio's eyes. "I know. I just... wish I could have done that, back when I was alive."

"So then you still need to come out and fall in love? Or did you come out to me?"

"Well... I sort of... I wanted to prove a point with it, you know? Like, I wanted my grandfather to hate me or something. I wanted him to yell and scream and make it a big deal. I wanted to have to fight for something, and for it to be all dramatic, but in the end, he would still love me."

"I can understand that," Antonio says.

"But even if I could come out like that, I'd still need to fall in love. A-and... be loved back."

Antonio hums thoughtfully, looking down at Lovino's hair, which is soft and dark brown and blowing in the breeze in a vaguely dreamlike fashion. "I think we mostly want the same thing," he murmurs softly. He feels a strange pulling in his stomach, a pulling that feels golden and happy. Lovino looks up at Antonio's soft words, confused, but before he has time to say anything, Antonio leans down and kisses him.

...The kiss seems to last a lifetime, and yet no time at all. They have literally all the time in the world, though, so silly things like time don't matter all that much.

There are no words exchanged. It is just their mouths, moving against each other; their bodies, perfectly in sync; their breaths, shared in the small times where they stop to breathe.

At some point, clothing is lost- well, more flung somewhere -and then there is a sweet feeling of belonging, of becoming one, but also being two. Antonio has never felt anything like this. He isn't sure if it is because he is dead, or because it is Lovino, but it feels absolutely perfect.

Eventually, it ends, leaving Antonio wondering if it had ever really begun. It seems that he and Lovino have been like this, together in this way, for a lifetime, or multiple lifetimes, or... eternity. It feels like their souls- no, more than that, the actual fiber of their being -is meant to be together, as if they have, literally, been made for each other.

After it is done, Antonio lies on the hard ground, arms around Lovino, staring into the sky, wondering why he is even still here. He had thought that, if anything would cause him to move on, it would be Lovino; Lovino letting himself be loved, Lovino loving him back, and if they had just made love, how is he still here?

"That was nice..." Lovino murmurs in a content, sleepy way. Antonio hums in reply, feeling love bubble up in his chest as Lovino shifts closer to him. Although he is dead, he has never before felt so alive.

Antonio cuddles up to Lovino, though his mind is halfway somewhere else. How has he not moved on? Why isn't he leaving? It isn't that he wants to leave or anything- he wants to be where Lovino os, and if Lovino is here, here he will stay -but he can't understand why he hasn't left. He feels happier than he has ever felt before. He feels like he could lift up into the air and fly, as long as Lovino iss with him.

As long as Lovino is with him. Of course. It's so simple... He doesn't want to move on if there is no certainty that he will see Lovino again. He would stay here forever. He would keep the terrible memories of his life, as long as he's here, with Lovino, cuddling and kissing and sharing each other's warmth and breath and all the things that are truly important.

"Lovino," Antonio says quietly. "I can't move on without you."

There's a thick silence, which makes Antonio think that Lovino is asleep, but then he pipes up with, "I can't move on without you."

"But I want to move on. I hate these memories."

"Me too."

Antonio sits up, bringing Lovino with him. "Hey, let's make a promise, okay?"

"To do what?"

"If... if we move on, we do it together, and we will always meet again."

Lovino looks solemnly into Antonio's eyes, then breaks into a sunny smile. "Pinky promise, Tonio." He extends his pinky toward Antonio who, also grinning, takes it. They sort of shake their conjoined fingers up and down, smiling all the while, and suddenly...

...They're gone.

* * *

AYE**LUV**YOU

* * *

"PUSH! PUUUUSH!" screams the doctor. The woman wails from inside the bathtub, which she refused to get out of. Suddenly, there's a burst, the feeling of relieved tension, and a baby, quickly followed by a rush of blood, leave the woman's body. She screams a bit, and her husband holds her hand tightly, although he's gagging at all the blood.

The doctor reaches into the water and pulls out the baby, checking it over and patting it on the back before handing it to the mother, who cradles it and sobs and lets go of the father's hand 'cause fuck him, it's a dog eats dog world when you've just shoved a baby out of your vagina.

The baby blinked open its eyes and wailed loudly as the doctor took it back from its mother to do post-birth stuff. The dad, whose face is now greenish, runs to the toilet, while someone helps the mom out of the tub to check her over.

Five months later, the baby is a cute little thing with fuzz on his head and bright green eyes. His hobbies are drooling all over the place and smiling and giggling, and he desperately thinks that he can walk already, giving his stay-at-home dad some trouble.

He also has a cute little friend- just a day or two younger than him -that lives in the apartment across from theirs. They play a lot, and by "play" I mean that they lay on the ground next to each other and coo.

Their names are different, but despite it all... they kept their promise.

* * *

**A/N SO HAHA THIS IS THE CURE TO WRITER'S BLOCK APPARENTLY. Yeah... I haven't been updating anything because writer's block was like, OMG HAAAAAAI, HAVEN'T SEEN YOU SINCE LAST AUGUST~!**

**So yeah. It's a little bitchface.**

**Anyways, I'm going to Seattle over the weekend, so while I want to update, it probs won't be till next week. Ish.**

**((Sorry if there are any mistakes in spelling or tense, I did not edit, as usual~!))**


End file.
